Maybe you should know some things about me that changes me completely. I always used to be a very open and happy child. I used to hang around outside all day and played with everybody who wanted to. I had a lot of friends but never that ONE friend I am still looking for. The one friend that's alwas there and that I can talk to when I feel bad.
I changed when I was between 8 or 10. I'm not that sure. I was walking home from school that day when a man came up and asked me for a kiss. Me, as a small kid, never thought of something evil he could do to me so I sayed: "Yes", maybe I shouldn't have sayed that and should have just ran away but otherwise I would be a totally different person right now. That man touched me. I was confused. I can't remember how I got home. I just remember that I ran through our house straight into the garden sat down on a stairs and started crying. I felt guilty. Don't ask me why it's just the way I felt. My brother and one of his friends, they were about 6 or 7, saw what happened and told my mum. She, of course, called the police. They came and together we searched for that guy. I remember when I was sitting in the car and looking for that man. I felt cool....somehow. I just remember that I saw him in a small yard with his pants down urinating at a bush.
Maybe that now has shocked you...well to be honest I am shocked myself that I am able to wright that down.
I don't know what happened to the man. I can hardly remember how he looks like but I think he still lives in the neighbourhood. Anyways. My life continued normal...well my life was normal but I wasn't. I think and believe that my parents didn't really know how to handle the whole situation. We never talked about it. And we still never talk about it. I started to close myself. I wasn't as open as I used to be. After school I went to a small shop, bought me tons of sweets and I ate them at home in secrecy. I gained many many kilogramms which I still struggle with now, 7 years later..! I became fat and lonely as all my friends in school started to ignore me. Just the boys were nice to me. I mean I've always been a tomboy but I lost almost all of my "girlfriends". Then it became time for me to change school. I got into 5th grade and there I had a few friends.
I never thought of that incidence even if it was always there. But one day, after a boy in class bullied me because of my weight and my alieness I had something like a breakdown. I came home and cried. My parents were both worried about me. They always thought I'd coped with that incidence. But haven't. Then the time started where my mum send me to a psychologyst. She was very very nice and I want to thank her for making me feel better.
I still had problems with that one boy at school. He was mean to me but I just ignored him.
Then the time started where I couldn't live without music.
My dad has always been a huge influence on me...musicially. When I was about 6 or so me, my dad and my small brother, he was about 4 then, danced to Green Day's only song I like Basket Case. Both of my parents love U2.
But then came the day my dad bought that one single that changed my life. He had seen blink-182 performing their new single "I miss you" on Top of the Pops. He liked the song so much he bought the single. He liked the single so much he bought their newest album "Untitled" or "blink-182" (depends what you want to have! I refer to it as blink-182).
I listened to the record with my dad in the car and liked it. That was it! He never had his hands on it since! XD. I started listening to them each day. Singing to all the songs. And then there was the last track on the record. It was a live track recorded in Chicago. Anthem II. In the song there is a teeny weeny bass solo. I listened to it, liked it and then asked my dad what instrument that is...don't judge me for not knowing what a bass guitar is! I know it now and I'll never forget...XD! Even my small brother knew it! Then I told my dad I want to quit playing violin and want to start playing the bassguitar. I don't know if he was happy about it..I guess so. But my grandmother wasn't happy about me stop playing the violin...but to be honest I really sucked at it. XD! Then I finally got my bass and learned all the blink-182 very fast. Now throughout all those years my music taste has developed massively. 2006, 3 years after I discovered blink-182, my dad bought Black Holes and Revelations
Since then muse and blink-182 are my life and world.
Mark Hoppus
made me start playing my instrument and
Chris Wolstenholme
made me start loving and enjoying my instrument again.
And now to come back to the beginning of this endless blog I wanted to tell you why I've changed.
About more than 4 weeks ago I was lonely. I listened to Muse or blink-182 or other bands the whole day, played my bass or did something for school. But then I discovered this huge Muse community on the world wide web. In a thread on muse.mu I found this girl that makes those awesome aMUSEd series. I found her on twitter and started following her. When she allowed me to follow her I felt honoured to be able to read her tweets. I really felt honoured...and I still feel.
Anyways a while I read her tweets, cause she tweeted quuite a lot. I mean really a LOT. Then one day she tweeted "Ask me anything www.formspring.com". As curious as I am I went to that page, and found out that you could ask her random stuff. So I just started asking her really stupid, random and dumb questions like: "what is your fave muse song?" :facepalm:
But it wasn't just me asking her questions. There was also a other User with the name Barrel. I started following both of them on twitter. I talked with them a little and then came out DD party. I was invited and felt honoured. I really did. We talked and chatted long...my dad came in a few times to shout at me that I should stop laughing...XD!
I started getting more and more friends on twitter. I finally found my good twin! XD!
You all may not have noticed it, as you all didn't know me before hand. But because of all of you I changed. I became more open. I stopped lying that much...xD! And I am really convinced now that there are people outside in the world that like me. The way I am.
Thank you...again...
You don't know how much our friendship means to me.
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